nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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