Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize