What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
