we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How external is "for external use only"?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
