I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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