We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
