I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
