dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
