If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize