shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
