Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
