Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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