Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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