dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize