Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
