He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
