He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
