I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
