Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
