Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
