Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
