I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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