I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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