Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He passed out mid-signature
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize