Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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