yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
