Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
