but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize