high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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