Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
