This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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