you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
