You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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