I faked an abortion last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize