She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize