I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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