We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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