so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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