Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
