She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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