I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
