they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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