The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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