the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
