And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize