Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
