eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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