So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
