i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
and you fell through a lawn chair
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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