I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
