I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
