Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize