I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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