i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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