is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
