i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
