Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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