pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
