I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My bed smells like the plague
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
