my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
