My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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