ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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